“Loving, romantic, funny, sustaining and wonderful”
I was born on 30 March 1947 in Redhill. I have been told “Nothing good comes out of the Home Counties!”, but fortunately, I have strong Celtic roots which I think define me in a way that my childhood location – which was Croydon South London – did not. I had two younger brothers. It was a very Non-Conformist Methodist family, and we went to church three times on a Sunday, which included Sunday School, but it was a loving and non-fearful atmosphere.
I had state schooling. After primary school I went to a grammar school – Lady Edridge School, which I loved, and we had good teachers. The fact I was musical was first discovered at my primary school ,and I won a junior exhibition to Guildhall School of Music, and I went there every Saturday morning. I sang and played piano. Then when I left school I studied performance singing there full time from 1965 to 1969, but I knew I was not going to be good enough for the level I wanted.
Then I tried acting, and came to Suffolk for the Summer Theatre season. My agent then suggested a TV job and I went for interview Granada TV, Soho. I didn’t get that, but I began to think it was something I could do. I became an In-Vision announcer (In-Vision – the announcer is seen delivering the announcement on-screen), and did some British Forces broadcasting (where I interviewed the Muppets), and then worked for Southern TV.
I had married an actor in 1975, and my job gave us a stable income. I went for an audition at Anglia Television in 1978, and got it – working in continuity. But I wanted to be a news presenter, which was difficult as I was not a journalist. I told them I would work very hard – so they tried me out for the nightly news magazine programme, About Anglia. I must have passed muster as I landed the job and stayed for 12 years. I was as good as my word and did work very hard! I volunteered for everything. I loved it. The best thing of all is that I had finally found something that I liked to do that other people thought I was good at! .
My then husband and I divorced in 1982, and I got an annulment from Westminster Diocese, because by then my thoughts were turning to becoming a Catholic.
At Anglia I was working in news and features. We did a lot of raising money for good causes – for example, people sent in their Green Shield Stamps and we had enough to sponsor 12 guide dogs. People sent in old spectacles for sending to the Third World. We helped in the fundraising of a new lifeboat at Aldeburgh. It was all socially purposive, and it created brand loyalty among the viewers. I was also often sent out to do ‘have a go’ type stuff – and there are pictures of me meeting some tigers, and also learning the trapeze at Great Yarmouth circus. Madness! But I felt valued and excited by all this.
And then came the greatest stroke of luck in my whole life. I had noticed that whenever we did a feature on health matters our postbag increased, so I suggested we alternate medical features (“On Call”) with the social action slot which was called Round Robin. We needed a media savvy doctor and, as it turned out, my boss had heard the Pebble Mill at One doctor on radio that morning on Radio 4, and suggested I ring him up and ask if he would like to do a pilot show with us. So I did. His name was David Delvin. He came up to Norwich once a month and we recorded two programmes each time. By the end of three years we had realised we had strong feelings for each other. David was married at that time with three children in their late teens and early 20s. He left his wife then. I did not like being the catalyst for the break-up of a marriage, but I do know it would have failed without me. However it was still something that I was deeply distressed about. Anyway, we did marry, in 1988. It was a golden marriage: very loving, romantic, funny, sustaining and wonderful. It was God-given.
Because we had married in a registry office and David was a divorcé, I never received Communion for 30 years. Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t talk to any of the priests I knew about this, but it just seemed better to avoid the subject. But when David became really ill (he died in 2018) I thought “This is ridiculous,” and started receiving Communion again.
I was received into the Church at Easter 1985. I had always been looking for something, and I knew religion mattered to me. I am an instinctive and emotional Catholic, so when I set foot in St John’s Cathedral in Norwich, I knew God was in that place. It felt right. But when I met David and he was getting divorced it was difficult being a new convert, but I had huge support from a priest friend and also from Dr Jack Dominian, the well-known Catholic therapist, to whom I became very close.
I left Anglia in 1990, and sort of fell into becoming an agony aunt – sorting out problems in the “Daily Star”, “Best” magazine, the “TV Times”,”The Scotsman”, BBC’s “Parenting”, and I did “Sexplanations” in “Woman”, always under my own name. All the Fleet Street agony aunts used to have lunch together from time to time, and we laughed so much. These were formidable women and included Claire Rayner, Marj Proops and Katie Boyle. They were good people and they were great to be around. .
Being an agony aunt though made me think I needed some training, and I had always been interested in psychology, so I trained firstly in integrative therapy, and then I did a qualification in CBT at Goldsmith’s. David and I had a joint practice in Harley Street. On the back of that I wrote 12 self-help books including “Get the happiness habit”; “Get the self-esteem habit,” and “How to mend a broken heart.”
We left Norfolk in 1991 and went to Cambridge, and then Brighton. By this time the internet was just beginning to be a force, and together we worked for the leading European health website, Netdoctor, where we wrote all the Sex and Relationships content. It was great as we were able to work from home. We were very busy but it was a wonderful life. We travelled a lot to medical conferences, and in particular we went to Jamaica, as David had had a regular column in their newspaper The Gleaner. On top of that there were grandchildren beginning to appear. I loved being a stepmother and step-grandmother.
In 2016 David started to become ill – a deterioration of the back of the brain which left his memory and personality intact, but reduced his motor skills.This was just after he had a stroke. I nursed him myself all but the final 11 days, which were in a hospice. It was a powerful and a sweet time and very intense. I learned that even in the midst of such drama and potential loss there were highlights and great joy in every day. I realise now that, for all my training and psychological knowledge, I was still pretty clueless about the devastation of grief.
Before this I had decided to try writing fiction, specifically about older people, old people who are vital – having affairs and starting new ventures. I published them independently. They are “Who’d have thought it?’, “It’s who we are”, and “So many ways of loving.’
I had also become interested in positive ageing, and in 2009 wrote ” Too Young to Get Old: The Baby Boomers’ Guide to Living Life to the Full”. We medicalise old age too much. I believe strongly that we all have a duty not to be a burden on the NHS, to keep ourselves fit and well. We can live a long and vibrant mid-life if we’re lucky and do the right things. I do podcasts and talks on this.
After David died I had always intended to come back to East Anglia, where I have many friends. I moved to Norwich in 2019, but I wasn’t fully settled there. Then Covid persuaded me that I didn’t want to live in a city. I found Eye, where I now live, by chance. It’s well situated – near to Diss and Stowmarket stations, near Bungay. It’s also home to the Eye Bach Choir, which I am pleased to have joined, and I am also now Vice Chair of Norwich Chamber Music – an organisation that puts on world-class chamber music at the John Innes Conference Centre. So though I did not make a living at being a musician, music has been the thread that has held me together and continues so to do.
Faith
Faith is part of my routine. It’s what I do on a Sunday. When I came back to East Anglia I wanted to find a church which was the right fit for me, and Bungay answered what I wanted. I am passionate about outreach and social action – practical help for those in poverty, refugees. We should be doing more of this.
I see this as a time of my life where I need to do more than give money to various causes; I need additionally to give time and ‘get my hands dirty.’
I recognise that I have been deeply blessed.
